My Favorite Computer Jokes

This is somewhat of an odd article. I haven’t been doing much which is worth talking about recently, so I decided to lay back and do a funny article. I haven’t done one of those in a while, but there is a whole category of articles. So here are some of my favorite programmer jokes out there. I will also be providing explanations for some of the more difficult ones to understand.

Can’t Get Out of the Apple Store

I can’t find my way out of the Apple Store because there aren’t any Windows.

SQL at a Bar

An SQL Statement walks into a bar and sees two tables. He asks “May I Join You?”

Explanation

There is a special type of SQL statement called a Join statement. It is one of the most important statements in SQL and exists so you can compare and analyze more than one table at a time. It is incredibly useful when trying to handle more difficult SQL operations.

Jesus vs. Satan Computer Battle

Jesus and Satan get in an argument about who is a better programmer. God walks in and sees them in an argument and asks: “Why don’t we have a competition and solve the argument once and for all!”

So Jesus and Satan go into an arena in heaven with two computers sitting back-to-back, with God standing as the referee. God tells them the rules: “You both have to complete a program within 10 minutes. I will judge who has the best program at the end of the battle.”

So Jesus and Satan get to work. They click-clack away at their keys constantly. One second before the time runs out, a bolt of lightning strikes the power cables that go to the computers. The computers both shut down due to the power surge. They are both confounded about what will happen to the competition.

A little while later, the computers both boot up. God asks Satan first what he made. Satan replies that he has nothing to show because it was destroyed when the bolt of lightning hit. Then God asked Jesus what he has. Jesus presses a key and a beautiful chorus of angels sing on the monitor. Satan is confused about how he did it. He asks Jesus “How the heck did you do that?!” God replies: “Jesus saves.”

Data Band

Have you ever heard of the band “1023 MB?” They are pretty good, but they don’t have a gig yet.

Explanation

1 GB is 1024 MB

Keyboard Factory

I got fired from my job at the keyboard factory. They said I wasn’t putting in enough shifts.

Hardware Problem

How many programmers does it take to change a lightbulb?

None. It’s a hardware problem.

Holiday Mixup

Who do programmers get Halloween and Christmas confused?

Because 31 OCT = 25 DEC

Explanation

So there are several ways to write numbers in computer programming. The first is binary. To put it short, imagine if the present number system that most people to use, which goes up to nine, only went up to one. That’s the basis for binary. Octodecimal is the same thing: It only goes up to seven. The current system we use is called decimal. Finally, there is hexadecimal, which goes up to fifteen. The last few numbers are represented by letters.

It’s a difficult concept to explain, but if you’re interested, you should probably do a little googling because I cannot put all of the knowledge about this subject in this little explanation.

Types of People

There are 10 types of people in this world: Those who understand binary, and those who don’t.

Explanation

10 is 2 in binary.

Also, this joke comes from the IT crowd, which is a hilarious show that you should definitely watch. Definitely one of my favorites.

Home

There’s no place like 127.0.0.1.

Explanation

In computer networking, the way the current computer is referenced is 127.0.0.1. There is some crazy explanation I could go into behind this, such as loopback IP configuration, but if you’re interested in this, you should also probably google that to read more. “localhost” is an alias for 127.0.0.1.

For example: If you are running a website on your computer, you would access it by typing 127.0.0.1 in your browser.

Or Better

The box said: Install Windows 95 or better, so I installed Linux.

Explanation

Linux is just a better Operating System than Windows. If you disagree with me, we can arrange a meeting to discuss our opinions. After School. In the Parking Lot.

User-Friendly

Unix is User-Friendly, it’s just very selective about who its friends are.

Explanation

Being a non-admin on a Unix system is one of the most annoying things out there. You really can’t do practically anything aside from basic operations like managing your own files or browsing the web or using non-administrative apps that are already installed by an admin.

Swearing By

Linux users swear by their Linux machines. PC users swear at their PCs.

Explanation

See “Or Better”.