Yankees are Stupid
Being born and raised in Louisiana, and then moving to Boston as an adult, I’ve seen the best, and worst of both worlds. I’ve learned that the freezing cold is nowhere near as bad as the scorching heat. Many times, people ask me if I root for the Patriots or the Saints. Unsurprisingly, I’m loyal to the my Southern home team (although I’m not a major sports fan). However, all the while when the Yankees seem to act like southerners are stupid, I can’t help but laugh at their stupidity myself.
Also read: Where I’ve Been Recently and Just Some Updates on Life
Wait?! The Milky Way Is Real???!!!
Yes, you heard that right. When I first moved to the college dorms, a fellow student unironically was incredibly surprised that the Milky Way could be seen from the sky in rural areas and that she “thought it was a movie trope.”
This city slickin’ goofy yankee has never been far enough out in the country to know that this is what the night sky looks like. They have only known light pollution their entire lives.
“YOU CAN’T MAKE ME GO IN THAT CHURCH!!!”
This is not a story from my own personal experience, but instead from the personal experience of a friend of mine.
In the City of Boston, a very clear ordinance states that no road work is to be done outside of churches on Sunday mornings. It’s a fairly reasonable request to respect the peace and quiet of worshippers. However, that did not stop a man from a jackhammer in the 1990s from working outside of a church.
The Organist at the church kept with him a printout of the city ordinance in case that happened, and each time the man with the jackhammer came, he showed it.
One day, the organist was too lazy to take off his robe, so he walked outside the church door with the ordinance shown to the road worker, who, with a pale, fearful face, screamed, “YOU CAN’T MAKE ME GO IN THAT CHURCH!!!”
Yes, really, this atheist thinks that merely walking into a church would make him believe in God. At that point, can you even be an atheist anymore?
“Have you ever been to a hoedown?”
Yes, this is an actual question a Yankee once asked me. After I was asked this question, I had to ask him what a hoedown even was. According to him, a hoedown is “when a group of rednecks jumps around a flaming barrel and screams ‘Yee-Haw! Right dun dere boy!!! Get ‘er done!'”
First of all, what does that even accomplish? Something like that is more likely to happen up here, considering weed is legal. Also, at least up here, it’s cold enough to build a campfire, although a Yankee would be too stupid to know how hot it is.
Goofy Ahh Yankees with No Brim: “A Large Alligator”
A recent headline occurred in Idaho where a “large alligator” was found roaming the streets in Idaho. Ignoring the issue of people owning illegal pets, this is the large alligator.
First of all, that is a baby. That is the cutest, sweetest thing that has ever existed above the Mason-Dixon line. I’ve held alligators that size when I was 8. Alligators get up to the length of a minivan at full adulthood. Yet that officer is holding that thing like he had caught the tooth fairy. To the average Yankee, alligators are clearly a mythical creature. The best part of all of this was the reaction from the local Boston news anchors. These pale, blonde newsladies who have clearly never seen the sun a day were shocked at this. It looked like this was the most interesting thing they had covered that week.
Source: https://ftw.usatoday.com/2022/10/large-alligator-discovered-roaming-in-idaho
Conclusion
I don’t know who you are rooting for this football season; just don’t let it be any team that thinks the mascot for the Florida Gators is from a work of fiction.
